You look like a mexican Gwen Stefani..

Its been a while since our last post (I say that because Kestan interjected as I was typing and griped that I always take credit like I do everything by myself, that she's the "gumption" and what not...so its easier just to appease her and rule out that I "never need her").

Christmas was grand, considering we did it on a smaller budget this year I swindled and deal shopped like mad anyways, even making some gifts...

Including this funny looking guy:



Addie was looking through the Toys'R'Us magazine and picked out these Ugly Dolls as one of her wants...I thought I could make that. That's been a pretty constant thought, I feel I've back peddled myself into a thrifting/pattern overloaded junkie lately, 'shooting myself up' with bold colors and funky mesh-ups. Its the same high, I'm sure. I have nothing to compare it to, but it feels good like I would think the 'hoodpeople' would like...

I've been learning more about my interests and hobbies lately, and turns out, I'm quite the busy bee. Kestan comes every now and again to "check in" on my progress. Often times insisting very cynnically that I'm low balling myself and mark it all up on etsy. She's so mean, and doesn't understand anything about marketing and business...I mentioned giving some items away free for free publicity, but she insisted that was a moronic idea and I should be jailed for even thinking such things, saying I should be working for the government with those thoughts. Giving things away for free when people don't work for it. I tried explaining to her that I actually needed more buzz, more talking about it but she doesn't mind to be the bully that doesn't believe in me. Supposedly so I wouldn't think too highly of myself, is the reason I'm under her shoe, face half in the mud. Whatever, I try not to worry. Its been nice having something to occupy my time and make me feel I've "accomplished" something at the end of the day, since obviously parenting is more of a long term accomplishment and I live in the "immediate self gratifying generation". Plus, its ALL mine. Its my creative outlet. I used to think artists were stupid for saying "I just wanted to express myself" with all their bull crap hippie ways, but in a small way, I understand now. I have all these ideas and patterns swimming around in my head just waiting for a bite. Doug thinks I should drop the crib/bumper stuff and bank on the dresses, which I love doing, but I almost kill my machine over. Its one of those unhealthy loves, but a true love...one you can hate while you're doing it because of the crud that goes wrong but love the outcome, and that high from the outcome keeps you going. That's the same kind of love as real love, right? Here's the shop.

I also thought I would try this fun thing I saw in a magazine where this lady did 30 days of different makeup/hair and blogged or posted about it, and I did day one before I dropped it.



Here's my first picture. Doug said I looked like a nerd with my hair parted down the middle. That idea took seed and I couldn't do it any more. I hated not having the every day "normal" feel that my confidence teeters on.

I tried another style just before Christmas with my hair bobbied in the middle, slightly raised, hair in a pony and Doug said "You look like a mexican Gwen Stefani." That's right ladies, he's alllll mine. After I laughed and died a little inside, I decided maybe he was right. Who am I to change things up? Stupid change. Why should thou be so damn difficult?

I've had more love for my children lately, especially because they've been such a lovey little pair, saying just the sticky sweetest things you could ever hear from their mouths, right before they go back to arguing and causing my hair to fall out maddeningly.

I was really tired and feeling blah one day, so I laid my head on the table at lunch time.

Addie, stroking my hair: "Mom, you need to concentrate on your happiness. You just need to go to school, to college, and remember to take a cup and a lunch."

Lillian in her little 2 year old voice: "Don't worry. Don't cry."

BEST.PICK.ME.UP.EVER. I don't know how I got the sweetest kids with the most amazing hearts, but I did, and I'm not sharing them!! I'm going to let them stew, create a concentrate before I set them out upon the world. That's such a scary thought, they're so perfect just the way they are, and the world is so mean and cruel, it would eat them alive. I believe that will be the death of me as a parent, letting go...ONE day.

How they are who they are is a mystery. I say things that sometimes I wonder if I'm screwing them up myself. But it doesn't seem to affect them, thank goodness. Like:

Addie: "Mom, what's compassion?"
Me: "Well, like if I were to punch you in the nose, and you started crying and Lillian felt bad for you...Lillian would have compassion."

Hahahah, I'm still laughing about that one...there's a lot of threats of "punching in the nose" around here, its all in fun. Their faces are funny when you tease about it. Its all about humor, we're molding it so very carefully. ha!


My last thought I've really considered lately was something a friend told me recently. She said "I saw your dresses! I thought, 'Of course, she's making dresses now, too.'" with an arm wave and slight eye roll. (Oh yes, you thought that wouldn't make it onto the blog, but it DID!! I notice everything!) And I wondered what that meant. It dawned on me the other day, as I was updating my etsy profile. I read what I had written, and while I whole heartedly felt they were true facts about myself, and my interests, and the things I truly like to do on my fb profile, Kestan halted all questioning by crudely joking "You know, I'd want to kick the living shit out of me too if I were you."

"EXCUSE ME?!?"

"Look at it. Sewing? Serving others? Meal swapping? Shooting guns? Playing video games? Cooking? Couponing? Crafting? Reading? Makeup and dressing up? Which honey pot are you NOT trying to stick your hand in, Pooh Bear?!" she retorts, making a disgusted scoffing noise.

I totally get it. I hate me too now.

I AM reading again, which feels good. The holidays brought about junk food, and lazing around. I haven't run in a couple of months, my pastor is encouraging me to try a 5k in March. Its just SO hard to stay on top of how my time is spent lately. Or which "honey pot" to stick my hand into. I've finally gotten around to reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". I'm only about 1/4 of the way into it, and its starting to get interesting.

Doug will start school soon, thankfully not as many classes. We've really been hoping and praying for a new position to open up so he can take the next step forward at (a) work. Its tough to see him discouraged, and sometimes I hate walmart even more than I thought I could.

SO so many people are pregnant and having first babies, I feel so many light years ahead right now. Its like, been there...done that!! But its nice to see so many sweet little ones running around :) That's all I've got for now, hopefully something a little more interesting next time?

-Kesolyn