Kestan spews sardonically, licking her lips from the spit bursting forth with her crude and hateful tone.

What is it about doing things with the second child, and realizing it was so much more fun with the first? Is that just how it works? Lillian and I are doing "school" a few days a week, working from a pre-k book and doing flashcards, then discussing days of the week and weather on our (handmade!)chart. Teaching Addie was always so new, so fun, and I loved it all. While its still enjoyable to see her little mind at work, and to know the wheels are turning by observing her week to week, there are moments like this that make me...cringe...for lack of a better word. (Insert video I can't figure out how to upload, in combination of lack of patience for such things this close to my 10pm bed time) I've been crafting up a storm lately, making fun chevron projects and bows. A little over a month or so ago the owner of Vintage Crush found me on etsy and asked me if I'd like to put some things in their new boutique. Of course, extremely excited and flattered that someone would ask ME to put MY items in THEIR shop, I said yes. We're doing things on a trial basis, put some things in their shop and see how it goes for a few weeks before I know for sure if it will be a more constant thing. It turns out her husband actually runs the shop, and he used to be a project manager at walmart before quitting to make this dream of theirs come true. He's very nice, very easy to talk to, and REALLY enjoys visiting. Like, really. I almost feel I should bring my porch rocking chair and gallon of sweet tea to the shop to make it a proper setting for the conversations we have. I know about his wife, his two year old, his house that flooded, the crafter that he had to let go (who was also a personal friend of theirs), his previous position, his hours he spent doing it, how much it costs to add a shopping tab to your facebook shop page, his bank account, social secur...well, you get the picture. Just a really trusting, good natured guy. I love people like that, honestly. Addie wants to be a cheerleader, and will be going to a "cheer clinic" next week. I get to watch her give their surprise performance next Thursday at a game! She practices after school for three days before the game. Part of me screams "NO!!! NO KESLYN!! REMEMBER THE CHEERLEADERS YOU KNEW ABOUT!! HOW THEY SECRETLY LAUGHED AT YOU WHEN YOU TRIED OUT AND FAILED, AND PROVIDED NO TISSUES FOR YOUR UNDESERVING TEARS!! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS LATE BLOOMERS IN HIGH SCHOOL!!! YOU SHOULD BE GLAD YOU WERE CORRUPTED LATE!!" yada yada yada...and I know this is the same for Doug, because he was the football player that dated THOSE cheerleaders in high school, or at least was the communal "scratching" post for all those vixen felines, whose hormones were shocked into action the very second he turned the hall corner. Or so he puts it. (I can so just see him hamming it up, and if it was even around at the time, quoting "Laters, Baby" with a wink. Bahahaha...) I can hardly poke fun, I remember being the "exotic looking new girl from Southside (considered a preppy school at the time, certainly false advertising that maybe I fit in there at all) who captured all the tenth grade boys' hearts (obviously because I was a year older, and older chicks are hot when you're a tenth grader)". Or something to that effect. What was my point? Oh, right...cheering-totally on the fence about it.

Yummy recipe we tried recently, salmon stuffed tomatoes!! The stuffing also had orzo, cucumber, and ranch. It was a great summer recipe, so light and fresh!! I'm making dog food. Every bit of that sentence is true. Don't laugh. I feel like such a freaking hippie, and Doug already thinks I'm all hippie anyways...but apparently this is cool, because its a part of "self-sustainability", which he is ALL about. But seriously, who makes dog food? "Well SURE, go ahead and start telling people you're doing something as STUPID as making your own dog food. Like they don't already think you're ridiculous, or trying to make up for something you are apparently and obviously lacking. 'Oh my gosh, I'm so perfect, I never do anything wrong, look at all I have, and my perfect children, and my husband who lets me stay at home, and all these nice friends, and my crafting abilities, and how I like to cook, and now look, I can make dog food...' JUST BUY THE DAMN FOOD AT WALMART LIKE EVERY OTHER NORMAL PERSON!!!!", Kestan spews sardonically, licking her lips from the spit bursting forth with her crude and hateful tone. (she's whipping her head around, using that fake high shrill voice like Annie (Kristen Wiig) from Bridesmaids, just before being pulled over because she's swerving as she's making fun of the 'perfect' Helen)

Would I lie to you? Want to know what's in it? Soooo easy, I portion out her correct daily recommended portions and freeze them. Here's the kicker, I warm it by nuking chicken broth in the microwave (so she doesn't get thirtsy, she's not been drinking as much water since starting the home diet) and pouring it over her food. Noooooow you can make fun of me :) No more fat sausage chihuahua!! Home Diet Totally looking forward to meal swap again, if you haven't actually tried it before, I really encourage you to give it a whirl with some of your friends. Its SOOO handy when life gets busy, and its sort of like someone has made you dinner, but you don't have to sit and have awkward chat with them!! :D haha Want to know what I've been reading? Where We Belong-Emily Giffin Perks of Being a Wallflower-Stephen Chbosky (total hipster book) East of Eden-John Steinbeck (definitely recommend) The Age of Innocence- Edith Wharton (definitely recommend) Game of Thrones- George R. R. Martin (good so far) I'll close with a line I've used recently that will make everyone instantly feel like better parents, which is the sole purpose of spilling my guts about the days nobody enjoys... "You had BETTER listen, or I will COME AT YOU...and it WON'T BE TO GIVE YOU A HUG!!!!!" hahah...you're welcome. You may now enjoy random pictures of sleeping wild children and other things I felt like uploading. :)

This is Addie after school, unfortunately exhausted like this at the end of the week because of the outrageous amount of time she has to spend away from me...

This is Lillian, on the way to pick Addie up, unfortunately exhausted because she has to pick up before said sister (who has to spend an outrageous amount of time away from her momma during the week).

Blue chevron bag I made, at Vintage Crush...

"Addie, DON'T BE A WEIRDO. Kids don't like that."

It's been SO long since I've blogged, and its all changed up. Bear with me, so hate change!! This summer has been so unexpectantly busy, and MAN I'm so glad to finally be slowing down!! Because its been so long, I'll just give updates in bullet points to highlight the good stuff :) -We went to Minnesota and spent a week with the WHOLE family, which meant 15-ish of us together in a 5 bedroom house, with one bathroom!!

-I turned 27...NOT 28. I've been telling people all year I'll be 28. -AquaBloom has been doing awesome, featured in an online magazine with 17k+ readers. I've been pretty busy with it, and even had to beg help from my SIL. Feeling like God knows when I need to slow down, I have a break from projects and am catching my breath...may even attempt a book I've had for a bit!! -Doug got a raise!! He's also been recruited for the HDUP team, which (from what I understand) will be a new system Walmart will run on. It will be more technical, but maybe different hours. SO praying about which path is right for us as a family!! -Doug ALSO got accepted at JBU as a business undergrad!! He found out not only will this put his masters in business within 3 years reach, but it will also be covered by his GI bill, which means he will be going through graduation for free!! We will only pay for the masters program. PTL!! -I've applied for my Indian Blood Card, and expect it soon. My mom finally got through the application process, she's been researching forever and had trouble since she was adopted and there were apparently some not so great people on staff for a while at Alaska's Indian Affairs. I don't totally know what it means, aside from possibly being able to have help with college for both of the girls. -Addie started kindergarten!! Short update on that in a minute :)

-Lillian turned 3!!! (Well, Tuesday she will. We already celebrated!)

Whew, that seems like a lot!! Addie starting kindergarten was a combination of about 3 weeks of stress. I couldn't imagine sharing her with the world, watching her become calloused to the way it really is, and having to toughen up. I just want everyone to see the light in her, is that too much to ask? She's such a special girl, and everyone loves her personality, I feel like she's been exposed well enough to the right people and is growing just like I want her to...now its 7 hours a day (which is more than I get with her during the day now) in a classroom where I don't know EXACTLY what's going on. I don't want to micro-manage...I swear...I just want to push the mean kids down and do all her work for her... Walking through the halls one day, we trailed some pretty menacing kids, who were OBVIOUSLY not hugged enough...little thugs in training. (Having children of my own, I now realize the thug life is NOT cool, as previously thought with my gang signs and smoking I used to do as a bad ass in my past life.) Hoodlum "A" had close cut hair, with a 2 inch rattail. He was wearing the classic red and black hoodrat ensemble. Need I say more? I am NOT judging... Hoodlum "B" was equally as menacing, slightly more pleasantly plump and tall, wearing a black collared shirt with tiny crossbones scattered about. No doubt wreckless. They had the thug walk down, I have all faith this will be perfected in the years to come. We turned the corner and walked straight toward a couple leading their youngest around. She was wearing a Minnie Mouse tank top. He was wearing a McDonald's bright red shirt. AGAIN, I am NOT judging... I'm just trying to create a picture for those of my friends whose children are attending a private school, or homeschooling. This is the very reason I have a GREAT dislike for bringing my little flower we've raised and tended to, to school. Do you KNOW how much a private christian school is? $4,500/year. Homeschooling looks appealing right now. Don't judge. I've been concerned about Addie making friends and feeling secure in her classroom, so I always ask her routine questions, like: Who did you play with? Were they nice to you? What did you play? (and of course, Did you potty? Did you each all your lunch? Were you hot? Was the teacher nice to you? What did you do today? What was your special class? ...why are you not talking to me any more?!) I believe she might be boy crazy. She tells me constantly about two girls in her class who have boyfriends (UHM.) I was sad to learn nobody played with her on the playground. Like only a mother can be sad about that. Then she told me she was spying on a boy on the playground and following him around, because he looked like Lewis from Meet The Robinsons movie...

And she just HAD to see him and watch what he was doing. I immediately imagined her being that little creeper kid, who is quiet and spies oddly on other children, who in turn don't know what to think of the kid who darts back and forth in the jungle gym and won't just PLAY... "Addie, DON'T BE A WEIRDO. Kids don't like that." A friend jokingly told me she thinks Lillian might be Kestan incarnate...I'm beginning to see it, her faces are exactly how I feel sometimes...

She's been SO good since Addie started school. We've done our own "school", she's much brighter than I gave her credit. Second child syndrome. When we leave Addie at school in the mornings, they give the biggest hugs to each other, Addie picks her up off the floor, and sets her down, holding her face they bonk foreheads, then she tells her see her later (tear!!). I hope they are always that close!! Lillian cried for her the second day, just a couple of hours after drop off: "I miss Addie, I want Addie!!" through teary eyes. Le sigh.. I've been shutting Kestan up with oatmeal cream pies, brownies, and cookies lately. Sometimes she scours the cabinets for chocolate chips when I forget to grab more of her "special mommy snacks" (which she eats in a closet-like manner, sitting the children down to a show and quietly opening the wrappers, making as little noise as possible in the kitchen). Then she turns the finger and points at me, yelling (which chocolate bits in her teeth, very fattish and snide) "No WONDER you don't have energy!! And you think those ITWORKS wraps are going to solve it all!!!" (for the record, I'm sure if I keep trying the wraps more than once, it WILL work. Mind over body, mind over body...wait...mind over body BEFORE I eat...BEFORE...) So, I might start training for the Color Run in November in Little Rock!! Hint hint, someone sign up with me!!!!!

Wrapping it up now to put the peanuts in bed, plus I just got more oatmeal cream pies and they're calling my name... Keslyn(/tan) P.S. I apologize to any of you who had to endure my humor before I realized I'm not allowed to joke like a fat man. You simply cannot yell "Uhh, Happy Birthday!!!" to your mommy's group ladies on GNO, motioning to yourself up and down like you're a birthday gift because of your presence. You'll just come off as a snotty biz. That joking is exclusively for fat men, because it doesn't work for fat women, much less a petite girl who likes to get frilly and wear her coach purse. You'll just look like an ass. Dually noted, again, my apologies... P.P.S. I didn't actually tell Addie to quit being a weirdo. I told that to Doug and he said "Wow, great motherly advice!!". It was obviously a joke. I love my kid. Really.

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You look like a mexican Gwen Stefani..

Its been a while since our last post (I say that because Kestan interjected as I was typing and griped that I always take credit like I do everything by myself, that she's the "gumption" and what not...so its easier just to appease her and rule out that I "never need her").

Christmas was grand, considering we did it on a smaller budget this year I swindled and deal shopped like mad anyways, even making some gifts...

Including this funny looking guy:



Addie was looking through the Toys'R'Us magazine and picked out these Ugly Dolls as one of her wants...I thought I could make that. That's been a pretty constant thought, I feel I've back peddled myself into a thrifting/pattern overloaded junkie lately, 'shooting myself up' with bold colors and funky mesh-ups. Its the same high, I'm sure. I have nothing to compare it to, but it feels good like I would think the 'hoodpeople' would like...

I've been learning more about my interests and hobbies lately, and turns out, I'm quite the busy bee. Kestan comes every now and again to "check in" on my progress. Often times insisting very cynnically that I'm low balling myself and mark it all up on etsy. She's so mean, and doesn't understand anything about marketing and business...I mentioned giving some items away free for free publicity, but she insisted that was a moronic idea and I should be jailed for even thinking such things, saying I should be working for the government with those thoughts. Giving things away for free when people don't work for it. I tried explaining to her that I actually needed more buzz, more talking about it but she doesn't mind to be the bully that doesn't believe in me. Supposedly so I wouldn't think too highly of myself, is the reason I'm under her shoe, face half in the mud. Whatever, I try not to worry. Its been nice having something to occupy my time and make me feel I've "accomplished" something at the end of the day, since obviously parenting is more of a long term accomplishment and I live in the "immediate self gratifying generation". Plus, its ALL mine. Its my creative outlet. I used to think artists were stupid for saying "I just wanted to express myself" with all their bull crap hippie ways, but in a small way, I understand now. I have all these ideas and patterns swimming around in my head just waiting for a bite. Doug thinks I should drop the crib/bumper stuff and bank on the dresses, which I love doing, but I almost kill my machine over. Its one of those unhealthy loves, but a true love...one you can hate while you're doing it because of the crud that goes wrong but love the outcome, and that high from the outcome keeps you going. That's the same kind of love as real love, right? Here's the shop.

I also thought I would try this fun thing I saw in a magazine where this lady did 30 days of different makeup/hair and blogged or posted about it, and I did day one before I dropped it.



Here's my first picture. Doug said I looked like a nerd with my hair parted down the middle. That idea took seed and I couldn't do it any more. I hated not having the every day "normal" feel that my confidence teeters on.

I tried another style just before Christmas with my hair bobbied in the middle, slightly raised, hair in a pony and Doug said "You look like a mexican Gwen Stefani." That's right ladies, he's alllll mine. After I laughed and died a little inside, I decided maybe he was right. Who am I to change things up? Stupid change. Why should thou be so damn difficult?

I've had more love for my children lately, especially because they've been such a lovey little pair, saying just the sticky sweetest things you could ever hear from their mouths, right before they go back to arguing and causing my hair to fall out maddeningly.

I was really tired and feeling blah one day, so I laid my head on the table at lunch time.

Addie, stroking my hair: "Mom, you need to concentrate on your happiness. You just need to go to school, to college, and remember to take a cup and a lunch."

Lillian in her little 2 year old voice: "Don't worry. Don't cry."

BEST.PICK.ME.UP.EVER. I don't know how I got the sweetest kids with the most amazing hearts, but I did, and I'm not sharing them!! I'm going to let them stew, create a concentrate before I set them out upon the world. That's such a scary thought, they're so perfect just the way they are, and the world is so mean and cruel, it would eat them alive. I believe that will be the death of me as a parent, letting go...ONE day.

How they are who they are is a mystery. I say things that sometimes I wonder if I'm screwing them up myself. But it doesn't seem to affect them, thank goodness. Like:

Addie: "Mom, what's compassion?"
Me: "Well, like if I were to punch you in the nose, and you started crying and Lillian felt bad for you...Lillian would have compassion."

Hahahah, I'm still laughing about that one...there's a lot of threats of "punching in the nose" around here, its all in fun. Their faces are funny when you tease about it. Its all about humor, we're molding it so very carefully. ha!


My last thought I've really considered lately was something a friend told me recently. She said "I saw your dresses! I thought, 'Of course, she's making dresses now, too.'" with an arm wave and slight eye roll. (Oh yes, you thought that wouldn't make it onto the blog, but it DID!! I notice everything!) And I wondered what that meant. It dawned on me the other day, as I was updating my etsy profile. I read what I had written, and while I whole heartedly felt they were true facts about myself, and my interests, and the things I truly like to do on my fb profile, Kestan halted all questioning by crudely joking "You know, I'd want to kick the living shit out of me too if I were you."

"EXCUSE ME?!?"

"Look at it. Sewing? Serving others? Meal swapping? Shooting guns? Playing video games? Cooking? Couponing? Crafting? Reading? Makeup and dressing up? Which honey pot are you NOT trying to stick your hand in, Pooh Bear?!" she retorts, making a disgusted scoffing noise.

I totally get it. I hate me too now.

I AM reading again, which feels good. The holidays brought about junk food, and lazing around. I haven't run in a couple of months, my pastor is encouraging me to try a 5k in March. Its just SO hard to stay on top of how my time is spent lately. Or which "honey pot" to stick my hand into. I've finally gotten around to reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". I'm only about 1/4 of the way into it, and its starting to get interesting.

Doug will start school soon, thankfully not as many classes. We've really been hoping and praying for a new position to open up so he can take the next step forward at (a) work. Its tough to see him discouraged, and sometimes I hate walmart even more than I thought I could.

SO so many people are pregnant and having first babies, I feel so many light years ahead right now. Its like, been there...done that!! But its nice to see so many sweet little ones running around :) That's all I've got for now, hopefully something a little more interesting next time?

-Kesolyn