Flipped the coin.

Just when I think I've forgotten that I had ever blogged at any point in my life, I was reminded by someone today and I remembered how much I liked doing it. So much has been going on in our lives lately, its hard to sit and be. Or rather, to sit and be online. I like to think I have pride in the fact that I've been too busy to be involved with everyone's business online, I forget that sometimes this is the only way some people have to be in touch with what's going on in your life too!

The Pointers:
Lillian turns ONE, in two weeks.
Addie will be FOUR, in November.
Doug is going to school, starting this week.
I'm 25, which equals the age where you're supposed to be more serious and adult like.


I think in the process of everything, its finally occuring to me that its okay if not everything is done right...as long as the important things are done. Oddly enough, I've started reading for pleasure. I started (ahem) the twilight series, I cannot believe how girlish they make me feel! Like I'm crushing right NOW, the way she writes is awesome. I adore her writing. She knows how to put a hint of danger in there that makes me crazy want to know how its going to turn out. There. I've said it. I like twilight. I hate that I like twilight. At least, I've done it on my own terms...not when everyone else has gone with the big crowd. I'll always have that, I can say it was my choice. I also read The Last Song, you can go ahead and make fun of me for being a crazy crying baby about the ending. Not cool. The awful thing about this? I read Twilight in one day. I read The Last Song in two. Any mommies know what this means out there? That's right, my kids had to fend for themselves. Ha ahahah, lazy dinners and bed to early so mommy can finish her guilty pleasure. Can I blame that on summer?

I've started school again with Ad, I'm still amazed at how such a little time to grow can create such a change in her and the way she processes things. She's doing amazing. Dare I push her to read? Maybe. I won't go into detail so that I won't be held to that publicly. Sneaky mom secret #1.

I've been overwhelmed with whininess. (sp?) I mean, full throttle whining. Nothing is right, she falls apart if we're at home and not busy. She never feels good, mini-tantrums, and teasing is even too much any more. I really hope this is a phase, or that its just the heat. Its starting to show that its wearing on me too. It makes me snappy. I wish I could find a way to punch that attitude (my own attitude in handling it, not her ahah!) in the face.

Doug is going back to school.
I'm so proud.
I'm SO proud...
I'm so...jealous.

I need that forward feeling too. You can tell me how important my job is all you want, but until I have that feeling that I'm doing so much growing and to my full extent of brainpower that I flop face forward into my bed (much like that mattress commerical) of exhaustion, I'm not sure I'll feel fulfilled. Its, selfish. I want it so bad, but the kids need. The kids need, me. What was that? Its a delicious chocolate mousse pie, that I can either make, or eat, but not at the same time?

I think I can compromise. A couple classes in the spring, after we figure out how this goes with Doug and works for us. In the mean time, I may possibly pick up a library card from springdale and do some online learning of a romantic language. That's right, I'll just learn to charm the pants off you with my horrible skills in another language. I'll make you appreciate the english language that much more. There are so many other things I'd also like to do, or to learn to do, but that would involve time away from the girls. And since I have this silly nagging hateful feeling towards letting someone else do my job besides Doug, and Doug will be much too busy for me to ask, I'll figure it out where I can learn while being here. Boo yah. BOO, YAHHHHHH. In your face, hard currents. Suck a lem...too much? I have tension that comes out in angry spurts, I apologize!

Foot in Mouth Moments:

I told a certain YOUNG man today, when guessing his age, prompted by him of course, that I thought he was 49. He cold stone, possibly hurt but not showing it, that he's 36. I may have even messed up his actual age, because as soon as I heard "Thirty-something..." just that THIRTY part sent off an "OH CRAP" feeling that hazed everything else out. Could someone have accidently pummeled me to the ground, or pinched my girls so that they cried and I had to go instantly? Not a chance. We were at church. Bummer, big bummer. Thought I was doing good lately.

Lots of awkward endings to conversations.

I booked a room on hotels.com for the first time, and I was pretty amazed with myself at how quickly I was able to do everything for our random first family trip. It was going to be great. GPS got all screwy, and though we decided to be easy going and just roll with the punches as far as just doing what we wanted and eating when the girls wanted, it was already pretty late and we hadn't eaten dinner when we arrived at the hotel. I won't share what time it was, because I've learned that in making judgements about whats right in parenting and being snappy in how others parent (as far as timings, schedules, etc) that there are no hopes in changing others' ways, and being accepting is...more acceptable. Maybe some people and their children normally eat when I consider late, is what I'm saying. I've also been that person under extraordinary circumstances that has their young child at walmart at 9:30 at night. (who does that?) Maybe in scrutenizing them, I knew what other respectable people thought of me carrying around my child too. Where were we? Right. I scheduled it for beginning of September, not August when exactly the day we were there. &^#$#!$$*&. Not cool with two young kids to NOT plan, it really puts you two steps back!! So we inevitably paid more for the NOW treatment. "Damnit, Keslyn." I think was the collective thought.

I did however schmooze the guy who seats you, which I didn't think I still could do, being twenty-five and all. Like he KNEW I wasn't technically a young hatchling any more. We were waived in quickly, more so than those were were waiting. OH yeah, sucks for you. Hahah, kidding. I was so grateful though...Lillian wasn't holding out much longer.

I also went out with my momma friends for my belated birthday celebration, and made too many comments on how old 25 felt. Turns out, I'm the youngest in the group. That's direct foot to mouth in a group like mine.

Its funny how these things never matter til you have a family, and the things you took for granted start to "go"...so now I get to be in that awkward stage of transition. I've decided that there are things I will never let go of, like my girliness. At my age, wearing pretty things and makeup, or even attempting to make myself look decent is out of the ordinary for my situation. But I like being girly, and while others might assume that means I'm a giant FAKE, I'll just dust that dirt off my shouldas. I still like stupid girly books and movies, so that must mean there's a girl still in there somewhere, right? Whatever.

I guess that's my life right about now. Its like I flipped a coin this summer, while its more fun to live in la-la land I guess there's also a time to be more serious and shake things up outside of your comfort zone. Genius. Who left us in charge of our lives?!?

Keslyn