I hate people today.

I finally took that stray cat into the animal shelter. He’s more than surpassed his welcome, scratching on the screen just because I opened the window to feel the cool breeze today. Every time we went outside, there he’d be. Like a predator, waiting to snatch up any spare leg available to rub on and any excuse to whine out. I let the girls love on him a little, partly because I felt bad, and partly because I knew if I touched him I wouldn’t stop slapping my hands around making sure the ‘imaginary’ hair has flown off by jostling my hands around. He found a way to get his dander up my nose anyways, rubbing on the girls and them bringing it to me. They’re sure he’ll find a good home. I’m glad to be rid of him.

I’ve had one of those days where I truly believe I hate people. These days come and go, and maybe every two weeks there’s that one awful, huffy day where everyone and everything makes me angry. I take offense to everyone, because only on this day does everyone ignore or just not answer in a positive way to which I expect. Maybe I just hold people up to a higher standard on that day than the standard they woke up on. Sometimes these days happen because I’m feeling blah about myself, my self esteem, or my appearance. Like, a bad hair day. A bad hair day goes a long way on a girl. In attempt to make myself feel better, I stop by a salon to have my hair trimmed real quick. I immediately regret my choice, because it’s the walmart smartstyle. Not that these people don’t know what they’re doing, or what styles are in, or even what I mean when I say what I want…but its not the relaxing atmosphere I imagine having spent money on for a service. And, most of the time, paying more in a pricier salon also somewhat ensures less drama and more etiquette. After having a blah day, I set down in the chair and feel like I’ve insulted her because I don’t want her to do much. Or shampoo my hair. Or even style it. Just spray it and trim it, quick…with my two kids in the cart next to me. WHYYYY did I decide to do this again? Oh, right. Because I never plan hair appointments, and when I decide I’m disgusted with my hair I want it fixed IMMEDIATELY. Good salons require appointments. And I am still hesitant afterwards, definitely not filling my ‘feel good’ meter.

“She’s(Addie) never seen me have my hair cut before, I think that’s why she keeps commenting on it, hahah. Did you hear a damn word I said that time?! I cannot believe you are treating your customer so rudely. I’m about to pay you way more for this stupid hair cut than I should, because you’re about to charge me full price for a half ass job. You didn’t even wash my hair, nor dry and style it and still going to charge me full service. Unbelievable!!”

Nothing. Possible smirk, but I am obviously not important to her.

I said the first sentence out loud. The rest I haven’t the galls to ever say, to ANYone. I hate confrontation. I just sit in my reclining loveseat later at night stewing over the things I should have said. The things I would have said. The things I didn’t think of quick enough. Then get mad for failing once again to say anything at all. Kicking myself, I’ll just swallow that and pretend I don’t care. This followed the ‘not-so-important’ feeling from the animal shelter, because they were sure I wasn’t going to adopt and didn’t want to waste their time. Just take the stupid cat, please. I hate people today.


Addie and her giant "pewer" she's using on the frog she found.


On a positive note, I finished The Help. Good book, definitely about segregation in Mississippi and ‘the help’ is actually referring to the black maids. Not slaves, but maids in the 60’s. First time I’ve read anything about the point of view of the maids during the transition into integration. Before and during. The other two books are staring a hole in my head, waiting for me to get started. I feel so guilty, because I know these books are now overdue, and I hated the feeling of waiting while others were so stupidly ignorant of others and never returned theirs on time so I could read them. At the same time, I am DRUNK with power. I am keeping these books on my own terms, and nobody’s come to sass me yet!

I hung a bird feeder up in my front yard. For two days I am sad the birds are not eating from it. The third day I see the hard plastic side has been punched out and placed neatly on my porch. There’s birdseed all around the tree. I am sure this is a message to me personally. Between the raccoon that ramsacks my garbage when I fail to close the garage door, and the squirrels who tease us constantly through the window to the back deck, I know its one of them. Doug took to his bb gun to “thin out” the ever growing population of squirrels overwhelming our woods. One ate it in the face, and now has a scar. I think he’s gone all mafia like on me, Grandfather Squirrel is sending me a warning. Little Bastard. Eight dollars for three days worth of waste.

The girls have taken to singing every day. It goes something like this:
Lillian: “Oh, na na.”
Addie: “(big giggle) Oh, na na!”
Lillian: “(bigger giggle) OH, NA NA!!”
Addie: “What’s my name, what’s my name, what’s my name…”
(REPEAT, til mom says knock it off)

This is funny to me, it’s a Rihanna song. I’m not really sure what the song is about, and maybe I don’t want to know if she’s singing it. We heard it one day flipping through the stations and they sing it all the time now. SO sweet that they’re doing it together, not arguing, for the moment…

I’ve had a lot of people in my life lately in need of prayer, for something different, each one of them. I’m out for an afternoon by myself, the girls at home napping and Doug doing homework keeping an ear out. I look forward to this day every week, and just the fact that its starting to feel like an every week thing elates me. I need this moment of sanity and QUIET. Or even just to listen to whatever I feel like, since most of the time its narrowed to kids music, KLRC, or country. Which is all that is mostly acceptable when the kids are in the car.
“God, please watch over my cousins, You know why they need You and I’ve prayed several times this week for them because I’ve thought of them so much. Just keep…may break my bones//but chains and whi…dangit Rihanna!! (punch radio button OFF) Stop interrupting me while I’m praying!!! So. Rude.” (I realize this sounds totally inappropriate, but it definitely happened. Funny, but I’m not sure God is laughing.)


OH she's coming in fast!!


I have some amazing things to look forward to this week. Heading to a Beth Moore conference, and my car will be full of awesome young ladies down to Little Rock this weekend…overnight! Doug and his mom will be working something out for the girls, and we’re sort of considering this a weekend for girl time and a chance to grow in God. There’s something else I might be working on that could potentially be fun! It has to do with Charlotte Russe? I’ll explain more later once I know more.

We watched Tangled this week for Family Pizza Night, sooooooo cute!!! Doug also made me watch MacGruber with him. #stupidestmovieeverrr…


P.S. I really took the time to listen to Britney’s Circus song, and have diagnosed the reason her voice is so unique: She sounds like a baby prostitute. The. End.

P.P.S. Please LIKE this if you are reading. I think about quitting often, it's nice to know people are reading!