"Addie, DON'T BE A WEIRDO. Kids don't like that."

It's been SO long since I've blogged, and its all changed up. Bear with me, so hate change!! This summer has been so unexpectantly busy, and MAN I'm so glad to finally be slowing down!! Because its been so long, I'll just give updates in bullet points to highlight the good stuff :) -We went to Minnesota and spent a week with the WHOLE family, which meant 15-ish of us together in a 5 bedroom house, with one bathroom!!

-I turned 27...NOT 28. I've been telling people all year I'll be 28. -AquaBloom has been doing awesome, featured in an online magazine with 17k+ readers. I've been pretty busy with it, and even had to beg help from my SIL. Feeling like God knows when I need to slow down, I have a break from projects and am catching my breath...may even attempt a book I've had for a bit!! -Doug got a raise!! He's also been recruited for the HDUP team, which (from what I understand) will be a new system Walmart will run on. It will be more technical, but maybe different hours. SO praying about which path is right for us as a family!! -Doug ALSO got accepted at JBU as a business undergrad!! He found out not only will this put his masters in business within 3 years reach, but it will also be covered by his GI bill, which means he will be going through graduation for free!! We will only pay for the masters program. PTL!! -I've applied for my Indian Blood Card, and expect it soon. My mom finally got through the application process, she's been researching forever and had trouble since she was adopted and there were apparently some not so great people on staff for a while at Alaska's Indian Affairs. I don't totally know what it means, aside from possibly being able to have help with college for both of the girls. -Addie started kindergarten!! Short update on that in a minute :)

-Lillian turned 3!!! (Well, Tuesday she will. We already celebrated!)

Whew, that seems like a lot!! Addie starting kindergarten was a combination of about 3 weeks of stress. I couldn't imagine sharing her with the world, watching her become calloused to the way it really is, and having to toughen up. I just want everyone to see the light in her, is that too much to ask? She's such a special girl, and everyone loves her personality, I feel like she's been exposed well enough to the right people and is growing just like I want her to...now its 7 hours a day (which is more than I get with her during the day now) in a classroom where I don't know EXACTLY what's going on. I don't want to micro-manage...I swear...I just want to push the mean kids down and do all her work for her... Walking through the halls one day, we trailed some pretty menacing kids, who were OBVIOUSLY not hugged enough...little thugs in training. (Having children of my own, I now realize the thug life is NOT cool, as previously thought with my gang signs and smoking I used to do as a bad ass in my past life.) Hoodlum "A" had close cut hair, with a 2 inch rattail. He was wearing the classic red and black hoodrat ensemble. Need I say more? I am NOT judging... Hoodlum "B" was equally as menacing, slightly more pleasantly plump and tall, wearing a black collared shirt with tiny crossbones scattered about. No doubt wreckless. They had the thug walk down, I have all faith this will be perfected in the years to come. We turned the corner and walked straight toward a couple leading their youngest around. She was wearing a Minnie Mouse tank top. He was wearing a McDonald's bright red shirt. AGAIN, I am NOT judging... I'm just trying to create a picture for those of my friends whose children are attending a private school, or homeschooling. This is the very reason I have a GREAT dislike for bringing my little flower we've raised and tended to, to school. Do you KNOW how much a private christian school is? $4,500/year. Homeschooling looks appealing right now. Don't judge. I've been concerned about Addie making friends and feeling secure in her classroom, so I always ask her routine questions, like: Who did you play with? Were they nice to you? What did you play? (and of course, Did you potty? Did you each all your lunch? Were you hot? Was the teacher nice to you? What did you do today? What was your special class? ...why are you not talking to me any more?!) I believe she might be boy crazy. She tells me constantly about two girls in her class who have boyfriends (UHM.) I was sad to learn nobody played with her on the playground. Like only a mother can be sad about that. Then she told me she was spying on a boy on the playground and following him around, because he looked like Lewis from Meet The Robinsons movie...

And she just HAD to see him and watch what he was doing. I immediately imagined her being that little creeper kid, who is quiet and spies oddly on other children, who in turn don't know what to think of the kid who darts back and forth in the jungle gym and won't just PLAY... "Addie, DON'T BE A WEIRDO. Kids don't like that." A friend jokingly told me she thinks Lillian might be Kestan incarnate...I'm beginning to see it, her faces are exactly how I feel sometimes...

She's been SO good since Addie started school. We've done our own "school", she's much brighter than I gave her credit. Second child syndrome. When we leave Addie at school in the mornings, they give the biggest hugs to each other, Addie picks her up off the floor, and sets her down, holding her face they bonk foreheads, then she tells her see her later (tear!!). I hope they are always that close!! Lillian cried for her the second day, just a couple of hours after drop off: "I miss Addie, I want Addie!!" through teary eyes. Le sigh.. I've been shutting Kestan up with oatmeal cream pies, brownies, and cookies lately. Sometimes she scours the cabinets for chocolate chips when I forget to grab more of her "special mommy snacks" (which she eats in a closet-like manner, sitting the children down to a show and quietly opening the wrappers, making as little noise as possible in the kitchen). Then she turns the finger and points at me, yelling (which chocolate bits in her teeth, very fattish and snide) "No WONDER you don't have energy!! And you think those ITWORKS wraps are going to solve it all!!!" (for the record, I'm sure if I keep trying the wraps more than once, it WILL work. Mind over body, mind over body...wait...mind over body BEFORE I eat...BEFORE...) So, I might start training for the Color Run in November in Little Rock!! Hint hint, someone sign up with me!!!!!

Wrapping it up now to put the peanuts in bed, plus I just got more oatmeal cream pies and they're calling my name... Keslyn(/tan) P.S. I apologize to any of you who had to endure my humor before I realized I'm not allowed to joke like a fat man. You simply cannot yell "Uhh, Happy Birthday!!!" to your mommy's group ladies on GNO, motioning to yourself up and down like you're a birthday gift because of your presence. You'll just come off as a snotty biz. That joking is exclusively for fat men, because it doesn't work for fat women, much less a petite girl who likes to get frilly and wear her coach purse. You'll just look like an ass. Dually noted, again, my apologies... P.P.S. I didn't actually tell Addie to quit being a weirdo. I told that to Doug and he said "Wow, great motherly advice!!". It was obviously a joke. I love my kid. Really.

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You look like a mexican Gwen Stefani..

Its been a while since our last post (I say that because Kestan interjected as I was typing and griped that I always take credit like I do everything by myself, that she's the "gumption" and what not...so its easier just to appease her and rule out that I "never need her").

Christmas was grand, considering we did it on a smaller budget this year I swindled and deal shopped like mad anyways, even making some gifts...

Including this funny looking guy:



Addie was looking through the Toys'R'Us magazine and picked out these Ugly Dolls as one of her wants...I thought I could make that. That's been a pretty constant thought, I feel I've back peddled myself into a thrifting/pattern overloaded junkie lately, 'shooting myself up' with bold colors and funky mesh-ups. Its the same high, I'm sure. I have nothing to compare it to, but it feels good like I would think the 'hoodpeople' would like...

I've been learning more about my interests and hobbies lately, and turns out, I'm quite the busy bee. Kestan comes every now and again to "check in" on my progress. Often times insisting very cynnically that I'm low balling myself and mark it all up on etsy. She's so mean, and doesn't understand anything about marketing and business...I mentioned giving some items away free for free publicity, but she insisted that was a moronic idea and I should be jailed for even thinking such things, saying I should be working for the government with those thoughts. Giving things away for free when people don't work for it. I tried explaining to her that I actually needed more buzz, more talking about it but she doesn't mind to be the bully that doesn't believe in me. Supposedly so I wouldn't think too highly of myself, is the reason I'm under her shoe, face half in the mud. Whatever, I try not to worry. Its been nice having something to occupy my time and make me feel I've "accomplished" something at the end of the day, since obviously parenting is more of a long term accomplishment and I live in the "immediate self gratifying generation". Plus, its ALL mine. Its my creative outlet. I used to think artists were stupid for saying "I just wanted to express myself" with all their bull crap hippie ways, but in a small way, I understand now. I have all these ideas and patterns swimming around in my head just waiting for a bite. Doug thinks I should drop the crib/bumper stuff and bank on the dresses, which I love doing, but I almost kill my machine over. Its one of those unhealthy loves, but a true love...one you can hate while you're doing it because of the crud that goes wrong but love the outcome, and that high from the outcome keeps you going. That's the same kind of love as real love, right? Here's the shop.

I also thought I would try this fun thing I saw in a magazine where this lady did 30 days of different makeup/hair and blogged or posted about it, and I did day one before I dropped it.



Here's my first picture. Doug said I looked like a nerd with my hair parted down the middle. That idea took seed and I couldn't do it any more. I hated not having the every day "normal" feel that my confidence teeters on.

I tried another style just before Christmas with my hair bobbied in the middle, slightly raised, hair in a pony and Doug said "You look like a mexican Gwen Stefani." That's right ladies, he's alllll mine. After I laughed and died a little inside, I decided maybe he was right. Who am I to change things up? Stupid change. Why should thou be so damn difficult?

I've had more love for my children lately, especially because they've been such a lovey little pair, saying just the sticky sweetest things you could ever hear from their mouths, right before they go back to arguing and causing my hair to fall out maddeningly.

I was really tired and feeling blah one day, so I laid my head on the table at lunch time.

Addie, stroking my hair: "Mom, you need to concentrate on your happiness. You just need to go to school, to college, and remember to take a cup and a lunch."

Lillian in her little 2 year old voice: "Don't worry. Don't cry."

BEST.PICK.ME.UP.EVER. I don't know how I got the sweetest kids with the most amazing hearts, but I did, and I'm not sharing them!! I'm going to let them stew, create a concentrate before I set them out upon the world. That's such a scary thought, they're so perfect just the way they are, and the world is so mean and cruel, it would eat them alive. I believe that will be the death of me as a parent, letting go...ONE day.

How they are who they are is a mystery. I say things that sometimes I wonder if I'm screwing them up myself. But it doesn't seem to affect them, thank goodness. Like:

Addie: "Mom, what's compassion?"
Me: "Well, like if I were to punch you in the nose, and you started crying and Lillian felt bad for you...Lillian would have compassion."

Hahahah, I'm still laughing about that one...there's a lot of threats of "punching in the nose" around here, its all in fun. Their faces are funny when you tease about it. Its all about humor, we're molding it so very carefully. ha!


My last thought I've really considered lately was something a friend told me recently. She said "I saw your dresses! I thought, 'Of course, she's making dresses now, too.'" with an arm wave and slight eye roll. (Oh yes, you thought that wouldn't make it onto the blog, but it DID!! I notice everything!) And I wondered what that meant. It dawned on me the other day, as I was updating my etsy profile. I read what I had written, and while I whole heartedly felt they were true facts about myself, and my interests, and the things I truly like to do on my fb profile, Kestan halted all questioning by crudely joking "You know, I'd want to kick the living shit out of me too if I were you."

"EXCUSE ME?!?"

"Look at it. Sewing? Serving others? Meal swapping? Shooting guns? Playing video games? Cooking? Couponing? Crafting? Reading? Makeup and dressing up? Which honey pot are you NOT trying to stick your hand in, Pooh Bear?!" she retorts, making a disgusted scoffing noise.

I totally get it. I hate me too now.

I AM reading again, which feels good. The holidays brought about junk food, and lazing around. I haven't run in a couple of months, my pastor is encouraging me to try a 5k in March. Its just SO hard to stay on top of how my time is spent lately. Or which "honey pot" to stick my hand into. I've finally gotten around to reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". I'm only about 1/4 of the way into it, and its starting to get interesting.

Doug will start school soon, thankfully not as many classes. We've really been hoping and praying for a new position to open up so he can take the next step forward at (a) work. Its tough to see him discouraged, and sometimes I hate walmart even more than I thought I could.

SO so many people are pregnant and having first babies, I feel so many light years ahead right now. Its like, been there...done that!! But its nice to see so many sweet little ones running around :) That's all I've got for now, hopefully something a little more interesting next time?

-Kesolyn

The correct substance for the occasion.

So, I have been crafting crafting crafting...then saving saving saving. This has been my life as of recently. I've complained to Doug recently that EVERYONE does what I do, and they do it better than me. Well, I've been trying to carve the sewing slice from the crafter's pie as my own. Its going, slowly and artfully, pokingly and swearingly...


Diapers/Wipes case-Razorback.



Fabric Flower Necklace.



This was a recent transaction at Walmart with my deal swiping I've been doing. The total price (before tax!) was $74.20. The price below it, $43.46 was my actual bill!! So technically, because tax hadn't been added on the first price, I can say I pretty much paid half. I used BOGO coupons on shampoo/conditioner, $10 off rechargable toothbrush coupon for Lil, and several other simple coupons...after swiping my walmart discount card, of course :) The WM discount card was used first so I could take full advantage of the 10% off before using my BOGO and major coupons...basically if I hadn't, my discount would have been smaller if I had taken those off the receipt before I could discount it all because those items wouldn't have been on there.


Here was one of my recent deals. I first bought the Schick razor blades first, which was $7.99. I used $5 in Register Rewards (Money manufacturers give to customers for buying their products at Walgreens, they work like cash, except they can only be used at Walgreens) from a previous visit, which brought it to $3. Then I used a manufacturer coupon from the newspaper, which was $1.50 off and my total cost for those razors was $1.50. I know, right?!?! Originally $10, combined with store deals and manufacturer deals, I paid $1.50. That's an 85% savings, folks. And by buying them, I earned $4.50 in Register Rewards for my next purchase. Which happened about 30 seconds later, I broke up my order into two transactions specifically so I could use the Register Rewards to save again. The Excedrin was a Buy One Get One 1/2 off, any count. I bought a medium sized one, and a small sized one. The big one was $8.99 and the small was $4.99. Buying the medium brought the small to $2.50, so $8.99+$2.50=$11.99. There was a coupon in the newspaper for the small one for $1.50 off, and I found a coupon on the large one for $3. $11.99-$1.50-$3=$7.50. Considering both combined at normal price is $17, I saved nearly $10. Using my Register Rewards from my transaction just before brought it to $3. Amazing! The oatmeal was 2/$3 (uhm, I eat a LOT of oatmeal. Like, every day. So I was excited, hush!!) and normally $3/ea. Total so far: $6. Deodorant on special 2/$4. Coupon in newspaper for $.75 off one. $1 in Register Rewards. I had to buy another item because you must have more items than coupons in your order. So I found nail clippers 2/$1 (actual deal on those too, haha) and it brought my total to $10.25+tax, with $1 in Register Rewards for next time. BOOM. Yes, it really is amazing. Don't let this overwhelm you, once you get into it its actually fun :D It overwhelmed me for a long time and I didn't want to try it because it seemed difficult. But looking at this and seeing how much money I'm saving for us is such a huge reward! If you follow Money Saving Mom you can learn how to too. She also has a facebook fan page, she posts deals on there regularly!!



Here's some beef and deli meat from Bentonville Butcher and Deli. I bought the Living Social deal for it, which was $10 for $20 worth. I had deal bucks in my LS account, and I only paid $5. So basically I received $15 in beef for free. I bought ground beef to get more bang for my buck since everything there is premium priced, and then of course tried a little pork sausage and deli turkey. This is 5.5 lbs of beef/turkey I bought for $11.25, saving $15. Sweet. I also found a $10 for $20 at Gusano's pizza I will be using this week. All this free money laying around these parts and I never tapped into it. WHYYYY?!?! Allen's in BV has a facebook page and they post daily deals. This past week was $1 on any bratwurst or frankfurter. These are normally $3.50. I bought 5, saving $17. So if anyone wants to grill soon :D Now, you know all my secrets. Go my child, save more money...but don't clear out the shelves if you get a deal, that's just scrappy. I'm taking the hippie approach of "SAVE AND SHARE".



Check this out. Doug and I really sat down and looked at this specific nursery rhyme. It reads: "Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, Had a wife but couldn't keep her, He put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well. Peter Peter pumpkin eater, Had another but didn't love her, Peter learned to read and spell, and then he loved her very well." What?! From this, I deduct Peter was a polygamist. And maybe kidnapped his first wife, holding her hostage in a pumpkin shell. Who writes this crap? And why is it a nursery rhyme? Many old nursery rhymes are actually crazy. Like Three Blind Mice. Everyone knows this one. Hardly anyone would know its thought this particular nursery rhyme is about Queen Mary I, daughter of Henry Tudor (the one that cut off all his wives heads when he was tired of them). She supposedly had a vengeful temper, and an adamant catholic. England was going through hard times battling for catholic and protestant queens (queen Elizabeth would later be the protestant queen of England) and when her half sister Mary was queen before her she beheaded three protestant bishops who were in her way of returning the country to catholic following. They weren't blinded, but she's the farmer's wife and they're the mice. "Seems crude, but have sweet dreams dear child!!" hahaha...Ring around the Rosie was debunked, or I would have included this. I totally believed it had referred to the black plague in Europe, "ashes ashes we all fall down" about the cremation and deaths, but apparently that's a myth. Its on snopes, or I wouldn't have believed it. Whatevvv....



Look at this sick baby :( We're better now, but she was still very stylish for being sick!!



Ladies, never underestimate how much people appreciate your tweezing/makeup globbing/hair smoothing. Making an effort on presentation truly does make everyone's day better. My trash man has seen me a total of TWO times looking decent, and today I caught him slowing WAAAAAYYY down to see if I would come running out after missing last week. Which I did. I swear he comes earlier and earlier all the time. Maybe he just likes to see a damsel in (trash) distress. Perhaps its more because I had night shorts on, and no bra so I was bounding and leaping freely after HIM. hahahaha...gross, I knew that was too much even before writing it. He happily turned his truck around in my cul-de-sac (after a few spurts of backing up and maneuvering) and did me great service. Of which I rewarded him with this hair and menstrual blemishes on my face:



Hey, I didn't say he made a good investment...


Two old men in the same day at different grocery stores both replied cheerfully that I could (accidentally) "run" into them any time I wanted. Which makes me giggle in girly delight. After reading Captivating by Eldridge, I am invincible. You should be too, because you are beautiful and captivating, a stunning reveal of God's beauty and grace. Ahh, I love...

I have a bachelorette party I'm attending this weekend in Little Rock. I am sure there will be tons of great girly incidents to report on my next post. And yes, Kestan has been here, but I've shut her up with a good amount of cookies and a promise we wouldn't run again just yet. She is mildly entertained in a sugar coma, watching Fantasia for the 60th time even though I told her I really don't think sugar is the correct substance for the occasion. Of course, she wouldn't listen.

-Kesolyn

I swear I'm not borderline psychotic.

So here I am sitting here finally relaxing after a hugely draining few days, Kestan beside me drinking a vodka cherry diet dr. pepper concoction, watching Wanted.

"This is amazing." Kestan purrs.

"We've seen this before." I mumble.

"But the ridiculous effects every adrenaline junkie could want, and Jolie looks hot. It's the essence of how I feel when he finally blows up on everyone, they get me." she continues.

"Yes yes, you just think it's amazing because you put too much vodka in your disgusting drink and you're too relaxed." I snap.

"I asked you'd if you wanted one. I thought that was why you put your kids to bed early. I'm glad you did, that cupcake after dinner was a stupid idea. The big one was a Donnie Darko miniature, the sugary cupcake was the white rabbit tonight who tumbled down the hole and started controlling her thoughts. Didn't you even hear her divinely evil laugh? I could swear she's my blood."

"I didn't put them to bed that early." I mumble, defensively.

"An HOUR early?!?!?" she yells, obviously exaggerating with her stupid mocking tone.

"You told me to do it. They've had a long weekend. You're so freaking full of oxymorons tonight, aren't you?! Why can't you just stay at the Double Tree?" I grunt.

"It's called a metaphor. Sh*t it's a good thing youve got me around, people might think you're actually raised in Arkansas, not just born here. You're lucky, you might remember that. I chose YOU. Who would have yelled at the kids earlier when they didn't listen the first time you told them to do something? And yet there you were apologizing ten minutes later. You're ridiculous, such a sucker for those..."gremlins." You're going to confuse them you know, we need to be on the same page. Go hard or go home, pansy. Grow a backbone. And go buy us a cigarette."

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It's been like this All.Freaking.Week. Okay, maybe just the past few days. She's been hanging around especially when I'm tired, or rushed for time. She made a surprising appearance Friday night at the Murder Mystery party. You could really tell she was having a great time playing the mouthy family tramp. She stayed afterwards for a couple of (large) glasses of wine and poor Borat imitation out on the back deck. It was such a blast! We were the dysfunctional southern Sugarbaker family, wealthy from a few businesses in Atlanta, GA. I married into the family money, my husband a gambling sleazy liar, Big Daddy on verge of keeling over and coincidentally bestowing gobs of money upon us, while we fight over who deserves it with the drunkard uncle, overly sensitive younger son, his yuppie Yankee wife, the nut job ex wife, and loyal upstanding nurse. We all dressed for the part and had the audience participate, when we didn't get carried away mouthing off to one another anyways hahah...such a blast! I definitely suggest it if you haven't gone or participated in one before-you can order a script kit online!


I actually ran half a mile this week before stopping to walk. I realize runners and wives of runners think that's hardly a taste, but BIG accomplishment for me. And then I did it again. The last mile wasnt quite so easy, however. I was in the ZONE, thinking positive thoughts and not doubting myself...

"You know, it would be easy to just quit now. Nobody would know!!" I hear.

"Shut UP. I'm doing this and you won't be talking me out of it."

"Well Jesus, slow down a little...it took me the whole first mile to catch up." she slithers with her two-pronged tongue. Wheezing, obviously exaggerating her planned death scene. Interrupting the peaceful and tranquil rhythm I had going, promptly throwing it on the ground and stomping on it, all the while telling me there's useless baby kittens in it. Treating it like it was hers to ruin. Witch.

"Let's say I just throw one of these your way, you turn around slowly like you're fighting it, and we talk over a cigarette from the pack you pretend you don't know are on the counter..." she continues. I practically double over from jogging position in the side PAIN she promised, cursing and yelling a throaty and aggravated (AHHH!!!) while I continue trudging forward.

But I power through it. Keep running, keep looking up and letting Adele sooth my mind and pain away. My throat is fairly dry like it usually is the second mile. Small acidic belch flees...

"You're getting better, you almost threw up but you turned it into a hairy burp. Your face was really disgusting when you did it though. Too bad you're not one of those who is photogenic ALL the time, cause that face will be burned in my mind when you tell me you're running again. I have a photographic memory, which is usually a good thing except you were like this" (double chin, mouth corners pointed down, lips bared, eyes half closed and crossed obnoxious burping noise that sounded nothing like me) "and it resembled Jabba Hut. You sounded like the wookie though. Like maybe they slept together once at their after party and later birthed you out their va..."

"OKAY, I freaking get it. I REALLY hate you sometimes. You're extremely crass and overly abrasive today, even for you." I seeth through tight lips. And then I can't help it, even though I'm extremely irritated my curiosity gets the best of me and I ask--"Why a 'hairy' burp?"

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Here's a random couple of pictures from some yummy recipes we've tried!



Stuffed Meatballs. Stuffed with what you ask? Mozzarella!




Stuffed chicken prosciutto. Yum. Stuffed themed week I guess.




My poor babe fell asleep on her mini pillow pet while momma shopped. She's obsessed with the bee.




And again randomly after she hurt her foot and needed a minute to chill from hardcore playing...




I made bows. Sick of paying bookoos for bows we always seem to lose. Boys have it so easy!




I stole a tiny baby...for about 20 minutes...in her own home...




Made a family tree painting for a baby shower I co-hosted! The "leaves" were guests thumbprints and they signed by their thumbprint.





Added pretty fabric border for pizzazz. You are free to pin this to Pinterest. Fabric glue, super sharp scissors. We had such a blast, I looked up the tree idea and some super fun games! Hoping to see more pictures soon?

That's my weeks in pictures :D I haven't read in about 6 weeks, pretty mixed feelings about that. Happy to be busy, sad to feel I'm losing momentum in that area! I'm off to do whatever it is I do between posts.

-Kesolyn


Editor's Note: If this is the first post you are reading, I swear I'm not borderline psychotic if you don't know what the 'Kestan' biz is. It was a joke that has really taken like fire. She "comes out" when I'm tired, hungry, cranky, PMSing, or had one too many choice beverages. She's my skinny, big headed scape goat. And after watching The Beaver with Mel Gibson, I seriously reconsidered my act...

So the word 'firehose' has been tainted.

"I'm going to go to sleep now."





Within 10 seconds I looked back and saw her literally crashed out. She wasn't lying. haha! I wish I could switch off like that.



Here's a picture of my awesome cousin who awesomely badgered the Fort Smith store until they gave her the Charlotte Russe posters for me. Awesome! My mother in law thinks I should make a hat out of the poster and wear it to my ten year reunion. hahahahah...I'm seriously considering it.




I've been pretty excited lately because a friend of mine invited us to story time at the Bentonville library, and its AH-MAZ-INGGGG. So SO much better than that crummy Bella Vista Library, with the crummy frumpy grumpy judgemental volunteer workers who hate children and possibly eat their souls. What? Its true. Anyways, it was awesome finding out that this super library has an excellent story time, excellent selection, and excellent online services (of which I have learned to say 'Bonjour, comment allez-vous?' and 'Salut, ca va?' I'm so hoity-toity now that I will not be telling you what that means, I am fully immersed as a stuck up french woman. I feel I should have a long cigarette thingy attached at my hand. They still use those, right?) but they are federally funded, which means they serve ALL of Benton county. What does this mean? Free library card for mwah. Ho ho HO!! (my best throaty french exclamation) It feels good to have resources at my disposal, and inspired me to start "school" with Lillian. At Starbucks. Starbucks will be making a few appearances in this post, reader beware. She now knows her colors and will point to them when asked, counts like "Free, Foe, Go! Un, Fee, Fo..." You get the point. I'm thrilled.



I have recently discovered that I have not lost my problem solving skills after birthing two children, having survived pregnancy hormones, and post-natal ups and downs. Prime Example: My swiffer stopped spraying. I have been so frustrated before when they have all seemingly STOPPED working, then once you throw it away you feel obligated to immediately buy another or your floors will never be clean again. And who washes their floors by hand? I'll be the lady that washes her floors by hand. Sick. Having decided to look at this perplexing situation as a man would, I checked for 'mechanical failure'. Having decided then that I have no idea how this works other than pushing the button makes it go, I decided a different route. I looked up online other intelligent peoples who have had simmiliar dilemas. I had a thought that maybe the spray nozzle was gunked up and possibly just needed some CLR to help it flow freely. Turns out, I was exactly...wrong. One likewise intelligent person had such a problem and it was suggested to change the batteries. Oh.My.Gosh. Do you know how many Swiffers and Clorox Mops I have thrown away in the past because I felt it simply stopped working?! Well 3, but that's beside the point. What a waste! It works like a dream now, first use out the gate it was like a firehose shooting far and wide. ('Firehose' makes me think back to my first boyfriend. I was 16-shut up, I was a severely late bloomer-and my boyfriend was 21. This sounds horribly scary, and I would never allow my daughters to date such an older man, but he literally acted like a 15 year old. So in one sense I was the older between us. Plus he wasn't into anything, drinking drugs smoking or otherwise. Picture painted? Okay. It was my first makeout experience (again, no judging that at 16 I had my first real makeout session and kiss in general) and he looks over at me grinning, laughing he smacks his pants lightly and exclaims "Firehose." I was horrified. First off, major corruption happening. I had no idea what he expected from that, other than nervous girly laughter. I was scared, not for my safety, but for literally having no knowledge of anything sexually saavy. Needless to say, nothing happened, ever. He was my first boy yo-yo-ing experience, poor guy. Maybe a few of you remember him from having been my junior year prom date. hahahah. So the word 'firehose' has been tainted for me from that particular experience. I think he later became a fireman. Strange coincidence. That is my swiffer story.



I belive I literally have ADD when sleeping. The dreams I can actually remember make me feel like I'm on crack, because they are such a big freaking mesh of daily experience, one thing never has anything to do with the other, but they are combined in one. Example, you chant?



I was swimming in a bean shaped pool filled with salt water, because its the newest thing these days, at least on a show I saw some time ago. Suddenly there are baby seals in this beautiful blue water, laughing and playing together. It was really very charming and relaxing. In a moment the dream changes to me being in a bar with two men, I am intoxicated and laughing, my arms around both walking out. They are gay, and fancy my shoes and choice of dress. I am walking with them down the street, then into a coffee shop/cafe, it is morning. I remember with a jolt that my girls are still in my car waiting for me, possibly all night. Sudden dread, I have to make it to them!! How could I have forgotten? There is a large dispute by a train yard I am apparently walking towards to find my car, and I have a feeling around the corner out of sight are my babies in a car. They are gang members, and start firing at one another, and as this is happening there is a narration I hear. I literally feel like I am watching a crime show. There was narration like "All of a sudden, they started shooting at each other," (then they start shooting, like I was directing what was to happen) "and everyone started fleeing," (men start fleeing) "and I turned round quickly and slid down on my hip like a baserunner." (Keslyn turns quickly and sliding down hurts hip.) Boom. Just like that. Then I am awake, because for the third time that night Doug tries to sleep diagonally and his head is approaching my bubble zone, threatening to bash mine. I am being attacked not only in my dream, but in real life too. I sleep tensed and ready to duck...and I wonder why I'm tired during the day? ha!




I have been people watching at Starbucks, and I find these people are the most ridiculous personalities. I can't help but laugh, and sometimes I do. I am an awful people watcher, because I think when you do it you are supposed to be incognito. To be an invisible spectator. I gawk and laugh, looking two or three times. There was a man yesterday who walked with such a twist in his hips he was sure to be gay. Groomed to the max, two cups he was cheerily swiveling his was out with. The thing I couldn't figure out were the jeans. Totally not matching with his demeanor. Wranglers...or Levi's, I couldn't be sure, my eyes were bewildered by his jazzy like saunter out of the building. Laughing. More laughing. Another man comes in with sunglasses, a bluetooth ear piece in his ear, spiky blonde-ish hair, and what I can only describe as a snakeskin like look about his clothing. Obviously very self important. My laugh does not escape my mouth, but rather out my nose, I tried to suppress it but it found a way out anyways. He was on the phone, naturally, and what I think his Posse trailing behind. Poor girl. I get all of what's coming to me from the judgement by knocking over my first Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season all over my table, chair, wall, floor, and jeans/shirt arm. So very embarassing. The guy who works there and thinks he's friendly with Lillian and I because we "bonded" over our love for different names (he liked my name-that I did not pick-and how he named his daughter something different, I don't know, Potpourri or something. He continued to tell me his friend named his daughter 'Caspian'. Major eye rollage.) asks me what kind of coffee I had. I tell him, thinking maybe he feels bad for my stupidity and will surprise me with a new one! Not so. I never see him again. I spend 20 minutes thinking any minute now he will bring out a yummy goodness. Why would he get my hopes up like that?! I should have told him Caspian and Potpourri were amazing names!! Dammit!! Sigh...oh well.



It was nice sitting with people who sound like they actually finish conversations and such. Maybe they're older and have already gone through the stage I'm at now, where conversations are ended by our own choice, not because your child is crying because her sister won't share a toy, which spurs on another crying bout when you make the other child give the toy up, then you can't hear and can't remember what it was you were talking about anyways. I envy those people just a little bit. Especially when I am at home and have the urge to relieve myself, and my posse feels the need to join me. Everyone in the same bathroom, fine. Its the child who needs to hug me while I'm sitting on the toilet, and the smaller one pushing me forward so she can see the potty going into the pot because she's curious, and the dog that just has to sit as close as possible to all three of us and is just THERE, that is a little MUCH.



Here's a crappy picture to help illustrate what I mean:




I'll end with a funny phrase Addie has been throwing around lately. There are boys at her preschool that chase her at the playground. I think she's exaggerating when she says she does NOT enjoy it. She has a funny serious face going when she talks about it. She also watches Phineas and Ferb, and this line from Candace she has applied to her life: "Mom, I'm going to BUST those BOYS!!!" hahahaha. Such a comedian and she doesn't even know it!! Life is screaming at me, literally. More later!



-Kesolyn


p.s. >HERE is the French Onion Dip Pizza recipe a few of you said you'd like to have. Its SOOOOO yummy, gruyere cheese is a little pricey, but definitely worth it. I love this recipe, and it was definitely a delicious homemade recipe! :D

"So yes, you can in fact eat raccoons."

I think this past week has truly been a blur from my imagination. Like maybe it didn't really happen, my mind is playing tricks on me and mirages of events have been placed in my mind. Truly busy. Truly.

Let me address one of the more important questions I've had recently: YES, you can, in fact, EAT a raccoon. Yes, I've said it. Why do I ask such things? Like to see a train of thought? Okay...

"Man its chilly this morning. I should have run with a light jacket on...WHAT is that? FUDGE raccoons are SO much bigger than I imagined! $!$%#, he sees me...make a loud noise to scare him...(loud and scared cacaws escaping from my mouth, paired with clapping. Shut it, do YOU know how to scare off a raccoon?!?)...sticks. You can spear him with a stick from the side of the road...I wonder if Bear Grylls would use a stick to kill him...he would probably eat him too...can you eat raccoons?...I wonder if they have rabies or something...I should look that up when I get home..."

So yes, you can in fact eat raccoons, and it was at one time considered a delicacy. Over 100,000 raccoons are killed each year for their fur as well as having been sold to locals who actually roast them and prepare them as a meal. Its supposed to be amazing. President Calvin Coolidge had actually ordered a raccoon to be prepared as well as a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. You should always eat locally from trappers you can trust that will clean the body properly. The RULE is to leave a left back foot on, so as to prove that it is indeed a raccoon and not some other animal they are trying to pass as one. Of course, that must be removed before you start making it. Sick. There's your useless piece of information for today. You.Are.Welcome.

Why running? Because its free. And does not involve childcare. Adele is amazing for running your emotions out. That girl knows hurt.



Check this baby out, complete with crappy power point. For the first time in my adult life I crawled into the fetal position and cried and rocked after this beauty graced my head with its presence. My wooden rolling pin is evil, pure evil I tell you. Though, I can say that I was certainly not mad any more...it did work for that. I mean, who hits themselves with a rolling pin?!?

I was going crazy trying to finish Lillian's 2nd birthday cake, complete with homemade Marshmellow Fondant (delicious by the way) and growing frustrations mounted as the girls began fighting. And screaming. And tattling. I was about to roll the pretty fondant off my pin and onto the pre-frosted cake when it started to melt off, and anger doubled as I pulled it off and some of the cake came with it, ruining the fondant. You can't roll that away once the chocolate is in there. So I tried salvaging it by pulling some of the chocolate coated pieces off, which ended up beign half the fondant. Big nostril flare, teeth grit, yelling grumbling in the back of my throat, I threw that piece back down. I decided to further take out my anger by pulling it all so I could squeeze it to death with my fingers and show it just how it had ruined my afternoon, and didn't realize the top of the pin still had a good chunk of fondant rolled onto it, pulling the pin into the air in my wild movement too and smacking me right in the forehead. At first I could not believe it had happened, I took a few steps back, then the pain seared its path all the way to my brain in which I immediately went fetal womb position to comfort myself. Throbbing. Knife-like jabs to my brain pulsating over and over. Here I come into the room where Doug is doing his homework, not wanting to use the girls' bathroom because I didn't want them to see me crying when I always tell them to shake it off. Doug looks up and big giant blue german eyes stare at my forehead, "What the hell happened? Are you bleeding?!"

"No, am I?" I say.
"Oh, its dye on your hands. What did you do?!"
(Notice how it changed to what did I do. I guess things don't usually just happen to me, I always invoke these situations upon myself. Sigh.)

SuperDoug comes to save the day, helping me, fixing the girls lunch, asking me if there's anything else he can do before going back to the room for more Book Time. Book Time is like another woman, I hate her. I had a good few months with him before she came back, that skank. She just can't stay away, sinks her claws into him with the promise of more money and better positions for management opportunity. Whore.

Anyways, 16 kids and 17 growed ups later, I am exhausted. It has been a day. Oh, and another teeny incident: Addie took the scissors to her lovely locks. Cut a big chunk out so "she could put it in the switch pot." Someone has been watching too much pretty princess and bad WITCH, haha "switch", and thought up a game where she could come up with her own potion with her own hair. Awesome. I had fun trying to fix that mess, hahaha. About an hour before the party I discovered someone's little fingers had gotten into the six hour cake I had just slaved over. It was quite noticable, with the half eaten owl babies I had made for toppings, and finger holes. Luckily, it was one side, I just cut that side off and served the rest. I'm not going to lie, I cried twice that day...




Thank you Pinterest for thousands of projects and ideas! Now I'm making these crazy things, like a pillow that has piping all around it. Have you ever tried making piping with a zipper foot? NOT easy. It was an ambitious project. And now I'm leary of making a second, which of course I have to make because there is fighting over just one. But I now have a floor pillow!



I totally get this. It is the title of my life book. The whole picture is stupid and cheesy, and awful photoshop, but the quote is golden. Because if I didn't laugh, and let others laugh at the things that happen in my life, I would probably cry!

I went to a Couple's Shower yesterday, I didn't even know they did those. Loved it! It was for my best friend, the people there were the best. I haven't laughed so hard or been entertained like that in quite some time. I am truly certain I have the best variety of friends!!

I'll close with a quote from my little two year old dolly:
"Addie, EAT!!"

Hahaha, that definitely sums up what she thinks. Its the three of us (Daddy Mommy Lillian), and then Addie--in her frame of mind. She's the midget adult of the family, because every family has one!! :D

Kesolyn